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How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 2/19/2008 9:15:38 AM   
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Do you have trouble motivating your teen to have a more active or productive lifestyle? Here are a few tips to encourage more diligent or responsible behavior.

How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers
http://articles.familylobby.com/106-How-to-Deal-with-Lazy-Teenagers.htm
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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 2/19/2008 9:15:38 AM   
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This is not how to deal with a lazy teenager it is how to prevent a lazy teenager.

Carolyn

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 3/31/2008 3:56:44 PM   
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I agree, instead of telling us its our fault (which we already get), tell us how to fix it.

Cynthia

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 5/24/2008 9:52:10 PM   
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My nephew's parents already do all of these things with him and he is still lazy. They are at a loss of what to do with him.

Karen

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/19/2008 5:37:57 PM   
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I have always done these things with my daughters, it worked well when they were young, however, now that they are 14 & 18 they do absolutely nothing around the house. I am at my wits end and no matter what type of consequences I dream up I can't get them to help out. I wish I could go on strike!

Cassondra

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/23/2008 10:27:00 AM   
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I will try your suggestions, thanks. I thought about some of them and tried, but I gradually lost hope. My problem is that I could not get her out of bed, I could not get her to do chores other than put the dishes in kitchen sink.Everything I ask her to do including house chores, such as watering the vege garden, take laundry out from the washer and so on.She likes to negociate with me and my husband, "what I am going to get if I do this or that...? Oh?"Please help, Frustrated parents--

Hui

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/23/2008 12:56:01 PM   
dianerene


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what is she going to get??  holy cow!  that made me mad just reading it!!

if my daughter asked me this, if it were really THAT hard to get her to do ANYTHING, I think my first instinct would be to take everything out of her room - tv, radio, ipod, clothing, furniture, bed (I'd leave the matress on the floor with 1 blanket), even the door off it's hinges. then say "there, you have to work to get it all back and you have to work to keep it".  tough love never hurt anyone.

I grew up in a home where keeping and running a home was a group effort.  everyone lived there, so one person was not expected to keep it running.  clean clothes, a clean home and food on the table were enjoyed by ALL, so everyone needed to take part in providing it for the rest of us.

I feel for you if your teen is really that way, but you are the parent and changes can only happen if YOU put your foot down and make it happen.

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/24/2008 12:27:24 PM   
fiery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: dianerene

what is she going to get??  holy cow!  that made me mad just reading it!!

if my daughter asked me this, if it were really THAT hard to get her to do ANYTHING, I think my first instinct would be to take everything out of her room - tv, radio, ipod, clothing, furniture, bed (I'd leave the matress on the floor with 1 blanket), even the door off it's hinges. then say "there, you have to work to get it all back and you have to work to keep it".  tough love never hurt anyone.

I grew up in a home where keeping and running a home was a group effort.  everyone lived there, so one person was not expected to keep it running.  clean clothes, a clean home and food on the table were enjoyed by ALL, so everyone needed to take part in providing it for the rest of us.

I feel for you if your teen is really that way, but you are the parent and changes can only happen if YOU put your foot down and make it happen.


You're a woman after my own heart, diane. I did that with my son - took away things bit by bit. The computer, the Playstation, the hi-fi etc and just kept taking until all he had was his bed and half a dozen books left. He thought I was kidding but when they didn't reappear in his room within a week he realized I wasn't and started doing what he should have been doing anyway. It definitely made an impression.

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/24/2008 2:24:50 PM   
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It would have made an impression with me as well, but I don't remember ever having the nerve to verbally ask my parents "what do I get?"  wow!!!  I am flinching at the thought of those words passing through my lips ... daddy's backhand would have been the answer to that!  lol

I thoroughly believe in the tough love tactic if it's warranted.  I haven't had to go to the extreme of removing furniture, but courtney has lost phone, ipod, tv and computer privledges ... she usually gets her act together pretty quickly.  I have seriously considered removing the doors off the rooms of the little ones - mostly because they are into slamming them in the others face :::sigh::: but that is another post entirely ...

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/27/2008 8:44:04 AM   
fiery


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My dad too, diane! He would have killed me then asked questions later. I'd never have gotten away with voicing something like that. I just won't tolerate it with my own son, and even if he gets to be seven feet tall, I still won't.

Sorry, Hui, but I see her actions as disrespectful and I personally have no tolerance for that in children, mine or anyone else's. You really do need to nip it in the bud now because the older she gets, the worse she'll get. Do you really want her to grow into adulthood like that because she'll never make it out there in the working world with that kind of attitude. As diane says, it's tough love, but it's still love.

diane, I mailed you a screwdriver just in case the mood strikes lol.

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/27/2008 11:56:57 AM   
dianerene


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quote:

ORIGINAL: fiery
diane, I mailed you a screwdriver just in case the mood strikes lol.


LMAO!!!  thanks, Kay! It will be put to good use

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 6/28/2008 11:24:14 PM   
fiery


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You're very welcome. Of course you can't forget you need to get them to do it, no point in you having to do all that heavy lifting! LOL.  Ah kids, you've gotta love them eh. 

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 7/1/2008 1:21:14 PM   
dianerene


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quote:

ORIGINAL: fiery

You're very welcome. Of course you can't forget you need to get them to do it, no point in you having to do all that heavy lifting! LOL.  Ah kids, you've gotta love them eh. 


LMAO!!!
OMG, you just reminded me of something my dad used to say to us ... he would tell us to get up and change the channel, or get up and get him a pepsi ... IF he was in a good mood, we could do it and jokingly say "why don't you get up and get it" and his reply was always, "that's what I had you for".  I have said something similar to my own girls, especially when they get the "why do I have to do EVERYTHING?!" syndrome.

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 7/17/2008 1:59:22 PM   
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I have a 13 yr old and i have done every one of these ideas.I have give up hope.I am a single parent,but i dont know if thats the reason for his behavior.He expects me to pay for things he should pay for.He won't clean his room,he doesn't respect me either.I have cancer so i am sick,and i think he uses my illness to take advantage of me as well.if anyone has some good advice,i am open to some suggestions.

lost

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 7/17/2008 9:07:51 PM   
fiery


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Lost, I'm so sorry to hear that about your illness and what you're going through with your son. I don't think for a minute you being a single parent has anything to do with it but is it possible it could be your son's reaction to your illness? Sometimes the kids act out to get our attention, even it's negative attention, when they just don't know how else to communicate. It's very likely he's worrying about what's going to happen.

Can I ask, do you have any kind of support system? Any family or friends that can talk to your son perhaps? Or anyone that you can talk to yourself about what's going on with you and your son or your illness? I can't imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes but I would like to help you if possible, and if that's ok with you.

I really feel that someone needs to talk to your son, not only to give him the chance to voice how he's feeling but also to make it clear how much he's hurting you by his actions. How's he doing at school, anything going on there perhaps? Just trying to think of all the reasons...

I'd bet there's local cancer support and/or single parent groups that could help in some way if you contacted them. If you would be interested in that, I'll gladly try help you find out what's available locally. You can PM me your location if you'd prefer not to post it publicly. Of course, if you choose not to, I understand. You just do whatever you're comfortable with.

Keep your chin up, hon. In my experience, people do care and will help if you just let them know you need it.:) There's many good people at Family Lobby alone that I'd bet are more than willing to offer a sympathetic ear.


take care, lost. And know that you're among friends here. :)
Kay

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 8/13/2008 1:21:51 PM   
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Hello, I'm reading all the postings and actually feeling kind of normal again. I thought I was the only one going through a mouthy 12 almost 13 in a month year old. Iwake up and see my daughter on the cpmputer listening to music, and she ignores me and doesn't even say goodmorning. When I ask her to help with the dishes like she is supposed to do she yells and says I WILL!She always talks back and I'm very frustrated. I took her cell phone away indefinately. I'm not sure how long I should keep it. She does not keep her room picked up until I yell again and may be she might pick up a little. Does any one have any advice? Thanks

Emmy

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 8/13/2008 5:37:16 PM   
fiery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

Hello, I'm reading all the postings and actually feeling kind of normal again. I thought I was the only one going through a mouthy 12 almost 13 in a month year old. Iwake up and see my daughter on the cpmputer listening to music, and she ignores me and doesn't even say goodmorning. When I ask her to help with the dishes like she is supposed to do she yells and says I WILL!She always talks back and I'm very frustrated. I took her cell phone away indefinately. I'm not sure how long I should keep it. She does not keep her room picked up until I yell again and may be she might pick up a little. Does any one have any advice? Thanks

Emmy

Emmy, I'd say keep it until she can treat you properly and if that means forever, so be it. Seriously, I'd be taking the computer priviledges away since that's what she likes to do. You'll see I mentioned before doing that with mine and I kept doing it until things changed. You need to lay down the law now before she gets any older and be consistent. Good luck - trust me, we hear ya. :)

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 8/13/2008 6:25:01 PM   
dianerene


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

Hello, I'm reading all the postings and actually feeling kind of normal again. I thought I was the only one going through a mouthy 12 almost 13 in a month year old. Iwake up and see my daughter on the cpmputer listening to music, and she ignores me and doesn't even say goodmorning. When I ask her to help with the dishes like she is supposed to do she yells and says I WILL!She always talks back and I'm very frustrated. I took her cell phone away indefinately. I'm not sure how long I should keep it. She does not keep her room picked up until I yell again and may be she might pick up a little. Does any one have any advice? Thanks

Emmy


you know, I find myself asking the kids over and over and over ... why do I have to yell for something to get done?  we all know what our chores are and we all know the consequences of not doing them, but I still have to yell to get my point across!  it's infuriating.

I have found that with my 16 year old, clear and simple instructions work best.  we have found, through much trial and error, that when she yells back that she will or she knows, she usually doesn't realize that she has just snapped ... and some of that is MY fault because of what I mentioned above ... no one hears me until I yell ...

So now I try very hard to remain calm and make sure that I have their full and undivided attention when I ask for them to please get up and attend to their chores.  If the 16yo snaps, I point out (nicely, without yelling - lol), 'hey, that was uncalled for.' or 'please don't respond that way, I'm reminding you because I don't want to punish you'.  it works and we both have become aware of the way we pop off at each other.  it's also helping the little ones to see that it doesn't have to be a screaming match to get out points across, we can be civil to each other.

as far as the punishment ... we have time limits for everything in this house.  courtney has an hour of internet on school nights and she is not supposed to be on unless she asks for permission.  the phone is also turned into me each night to charge in my room.  when she not keeping up with her chores, I make her turn the phone in earlier until she can show consistency in keeping her stuff done without reminders or with only a few.  as she does well, she gets to lengthen her time with the phone.  it has been a struggle and sometimes we have to take a couple of steps back before we can move forward again, but it's a learning experience.  the next 2 girls should be a piece of cake, right? 

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 8/13/2008 6:27:17 PM   
dianerene


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my post got kinda long and I still managed o forget something ...  I have found even my 8 year old tends to zone out and forgets that she lives with other people.   so when I pass by and say something to one of them and I don't get a response, I walk back and say "good morning" ... "GOOD MORNING" ... "hello?  I am talking to you!!"  sometimes I will get silly and they will get annoyed, but I tell them if they acknowledge me the first time, I don't have to be a dork ;)

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RE: How to Deal with Lazy Teenagers - 9/13/2008 7:16:22 PM   
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well i tried grounding my daughter didnt work she wont get up for school she wont get up at week ends she fights with her other brothers i took the computer away stopped her goin to freinds but she still wont changed i even tryed compromising sayin if she went to school with out walkin out she get a fone it didnt last 2 days so why do i seem to have teen from hell i buy her make up and new shoes cause she says kids make fun of her i cant win have u any suggestions

maz

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