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Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/10/2007 2:53:02 AM   
Liz

 

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Our daughter is almost 13 and our life has become a nightmare. She's overly dramatic about EVERYTHING, boy CRAZY, and hasn't uttered a civil word since September.

Hope someone has some ideas
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/10/2007 2:55:01 AM   
Dee

 

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My daughter has tried that a couple of times. No way is that gonna fly in our house! Absolutely no disrespect ever in our home. We don't treat each other that way and that is the rule. The few times she's tried it she has had to apologize immediately. I can't imagine letting a kid get away with that.

(in reply to Liz)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/10/2007 10:09:44 AM   
julieb


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I agree with Dee. I have a 15 year old daughter and a 10 year old son, we will not and do not tolerate any disrepect in our home nor do we tolerate it outside of our home. I stay very active in their schools and our community (while working a fulltime job) and my children have learned I always find out what they are up too! My children also have learned there are always consequences (loss of electronics, grounded from events, etc) to there actions and as parents we always follow through. We have found as parents that the kids in the neighborhood like to hang out at our house because there is more structure, which allows us to supervise more effectively.
This process in our home started when the children were born and it has been alot of work in the process, the more respectful attitude and appropriate behavior from them, the more freedom/trust the obtain from us. We feel this will help them to strive in the real world, since inappropriate behavior is usually frowned on.

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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/10/2007 11:06:01 AM   
dianerene


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The disrespect will last as long as you allow it.  When my daughter went through it, it was the only way she knew how to deal with the surge of constant changing emotions going on in her body ... one minute she is happy and free and the next she hates everyone within eyesight.  In my house, everyone is allowed to express themselves, but it is shown, and known, that there is a right and wrong way to do this.  It is okay to be mad, it is okay to be upset or feel hurt, but it is not okay to hurt someone else because you are hurting.  I also feel that occassional outbursts of anger (yelling, crying and sometimes even swearing in the heat of the moment) are okay, as long as we quickly put it under control, apologize and work it out appropriately.  Afterall, I as a parent have lost my cool when frustrated and have had to come back and apologize, it's a natural reaction and the only way you can learn.  If you can work through the emotions in the comfort of you family environment, you are less apt to do this outside your comfort zone, right?

It's also a time where girls want to step out and see what's out there - away from mom and dad's watchful eye.  the boy crazy thing will settle down, it's hormones.  The important thing here is helping your daughter establish her self confidence and self esteem.  My daughter went through a spell where she was getting a lot of attention from the boys and THAT became her self esteem ... not okay (in my book).  She felt she had to have a boyfriend in order to be cool, today she is thinking she is happier and free-er(lol) without one.

It's hard, but it will get easier.  I went through it, my mom went through it, and all 3 of my girls (goodness!!) will go through it.  If you can keep your cool, she will learn to keep hers as well.  My 15 year old and I still have our spats, but we are also very close.  We try to work through the issues together - and there have been A LOT of them since starting HS!

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♥ diane


www.cosmichandmade.com

(in reply to Liz)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/20/2007 9:17:55 AM   
Meg

 

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I am actually 16 years old.  And I realize that I myself have an attitude. It is actually getting allot better but I still find myself getting very moody.  My mother punishes me or threatens to punish me when I get nasty. I honestly don't think that is the right thing to do because I've explained to her many times that I can't control it and sometimes I dont even realize I am doing it.  Times are very difficult at this age.  Especially at the school that I attend to.  I've been having some problems but I think I am getting better.

(in reply to Liz)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/20/2007 2:59:38 PM   
dianerene


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Meg

I am actually 16 years old.  And I realize that I myself have an attitude. It is actually getting allot better but I still find myself getting very moody.  My mother punishes me or threatens to punish me when I get nasty. I honestly don't think that is the right thing to do because I've explained to her many times that I can't control it and sometimes I dont even realize I am doing it.  Times are very difficult at this age.  Especially at the school that I attend to.  I've been having some problems but I think I am getting better.


You know what, Meg?  It takes a lot for someone your age to care enough to see that you have an attitude and admit it, although admitting it to us is different than admitting it to your mom    I agree that your teenage years are tough, I have always said that you couldn't pay me to repeat those years - the insecurities, the pressures, the overload of emotions.  One thing that I find works with my daughter and I - because she, like you, feels out of control at times - is that when she starts getting nasty with me, I say hey, what's the deal?  and we talk about the real issue.  It keeps me from feeling the need to punish her for her harsh words, and it also keeps us close.  There is nothing that she could tell me that would hurt me more than her NOT speaking to me about what is going on - does that make sense?  lol

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♥ diane


www.cosmichandmade.com

(in reply to Meg)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/22/2007 10:34:12 AM   
Meg

 

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Yes Diane it makes sense lol.  Usually when I get nasty with my mother its becasue she always wants to talk with me at the wrong times. Sometimes I might be fighting with a friend or just having a bad day and the last thing I want to do is "talk". But yes there is a ton of pressure and emotions at my age.  Sometimes it is to much to handle but I think mothers should just back off their kids a little bit. They need space but then again they also need to know that your there for them. 

(in reply to dianerene)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/22/2007 10:41:19 AM   
dianerene


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Meg

Usually when I get nasty with my mother its becasue she always wants to talk with me at the wrong times. Sometimes I might be fighting with a friend or just having a bad day and the last thing I want to do is "talk".


I get it, and you're right.  Sometimes I forget this, even now there are times I don't want to talk about an issue that is too "raw".  I need time to deal with it in my head before I put it into words.  I'm sure my daughters do too - thanks for helping me remember that

_____________________________

♥ diane


www.cosmichandmade.com

(in reply to Meg)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/22/2007 11:01:11 AM   
Meg

 

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No problem  

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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 5/31/2007 8:53:20 AM   
boom boom bevins

 

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i was warned by a friend, because she has a daughter that "just wait till your starts jr high". and she was right. there was a definite attitude change. but remember how we were at that age. they are trying to define themselves, and fit in, be liked by peers. listen to your child, be a friend and a parent. at the end of the day, when things wind down and it becomes the two of us, and everyone else has went to bed, she talks to me more. i took her off the internet because she didn`t hold up her end of the bargain with the internet rules. now no one can get past the welcome screen on the computer without a password, (which only i know). that helped a ton. they have to know consequences for their actions. her friends had way to explicit language and bad behavior on myspace. so its gone. she knew it was her and her friends fault, she accepted it and things are okay now. her attitude even improved. i took the phone away for 3 weeks as well. she does not want to lose her phone again. find something they like, loosing it for awhile helped me with her. i know where she is at all times. we live in rural area so its not like she can just up and go to a friends house. i see young kids walking around all over town and i wonder,..where are the parents? this is how i think kids get into things. i just feel there needs to set rules and consequences and follow them through. its for their own good in the long run. listen to your child, be a friend, but a parent first.  build up their confidence and celebrate their accomplishments. teach them about good morals and values. they will be adults soon enough. i would like to know that one day, she will be ready to face the world, as a strong, responsible, goal oriented, confident and as a truly good hearted but not niave person. and i want her to know she can be anything she wants to be and succeed in this world, if she truly works for it.

(in reply to Liz)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 6/3/2007 3:51:35 PM   
Mrs. Dartanyan

 

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I work with teens everyday I can agree that this is the time when as my grandmother would say smellin themselves. The best thing for you to do is to let her know that you will not tolerate disrespect. Make sure that the father is there and is every invovled. This is also the time when a girl needs her father. Be a parent frist and friend second you want her to be able to come to you but to keep in mind that you are the parent. I deal with teens who can talk to there parents or feelthat there parents won't listen . So the best thing you can do is to listen and stand your ground some girls think you will give in fast.

(in reply to boom boom bevins)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 6/5/2007 12:27:00 AM   
Shonda

 

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Sad to say I have three teenage girls, two of them are very dramatic. All three have bad attitude, not toward me but toward each other. I have tried everything...what can I do to help my girls be able to get along better with each other?

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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 6/5/2007 11:47:19 AM   
dianerene


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shonda

Sad to say I have three teenage girls, two of them are very dramatic. All three have bad attitude, not toward me but toward each other. I have tried everything...what can I do to help my girls be able to get along better with each other?

I'm working on this with my 3 girls (15, 7 and 3).  Obviously, not all 3 are teens, but they are in a constant battle with each other and it becomes exhausting trying to deal with it all.  I thought for sure, with the age difference between them, that raising 3 girls wouldn't be that hard - lol - I was SO wrong!
So, for the past week we have worked on "speaking kindly".  ANYTIME I hear them pop off at each other, yell, criticize or show any attitude or disrespect toward one of their sisters, I stop whatever is going on and have that child find a "kinder" way to get their point across. My 7 year old is the biggest challenge ... she has my temper and the girl is too smart for her own good ... she will refuse to say something kind, or if she does, it is followed by a mumbling of attitude.  When she pulls the stubborn card, she is removed from whatever is going on and is sat next to me until she has calmed down.
They all have made some changes, and I praise them whenever I hear them or see them do something kind for the other, but I know that there is still a long road ahead of me.

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♥ diane


www.cosmichandmade.com

(in reply to Shonda)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 6/19/2007 5:01:51 PM   
Mrs. Dartanyan

 

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Wll I am one of my mothers three girls and I remember that she would sit all of us down and have us tell each other what we liked and disliked about each other and I believe my sister that is in the middle hated the way that I was  the oldest and the young one always gets babied we are all close now but after that day my mom let things ride out on its own. Sisters are not always get along but if there is anything that one of tem needs or think they have a problem the older one will make sure everything is okay.

(in reply to Shonda)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 1/31/2008 3:01:51 PM   
MoxieButterfly

 

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Hi everyone! I have a thirteen year old sister and am twenty-two myself. My husband is in the Navy and currently stationed in Cuba. While he's there I'm staying with my mom, step-dad and half sister in the states...and I'm eight and a half months pregnant! 

Anyways, my sister in the last couple of months, has really hit gold with the attitude. I'm trying hard to remember what it was like when I was her age, but it's hard...even though it wasn't THAT long ago!  I also struggle to find the right role for myself...I'm not the peer sister and I'm not the parent...sort of in between.

I can't get over the disrespect she has with everyone in the house.  The disrespect she shows my parents I try to leave to them to handle, they are the parents. But, she thinks that just because I'm her sister she doesn't owe me any respect.  She has ZERO appreciation for the things I do for her and the name calling and hitting goes on and on from her, directed to me.

I also have a dog, and he's like my security blanket...it's hard being alone with my husband gone.  She cannot get over how the dog is not hers and how she's not allowed to sleep with him and do everything for him.  So what is it now?  She's insisting that she deserves a dog, a cell phone, and everything else that I have that she doesn't. She just cannot understand that I'm older and that's why I have the priveledges and such that I do.

I don't know how to handle her and I don't like seeing our relationship damaged so much.

It's like my mother says, the mothership has abducted my sister and put someone different in her place.  My sister isn't this girl living in our house. My sister is sweet, respectful, appreciative, smart and very warm hearted...which makes it that much harder to work with the girl here now.

(in reply to Liz)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 2/2/2008 1:40:46 AM   
jimrich

 

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Liz:

re: "Our daughter is almost 13 and our life has become a nightmare. She's overly dramatic about EVERYTHING, boy CRAZY, and hasn't uttered a civil word since September.
Hope someone has some ideas"

Well this reminds me of a struggle between my sister in law and her 21 year old only daughter.  The daughter (who is about to be married and living with the boy friend) is very disrespectful of her mom in public which really hurts the mom who has stated "where did I go wrong?"  (I could tell her!)  Others in the family think the daughter is a 'spoiled brat' and do not like her.

It is my opinion that the daughter - NOT THE MOM - is the victim and just operating out of the (wrong) training, modeling and conditioning that her parents have given her since birth.  The daughter was not taught to respect, appreciate and honor her parents!  She was allowed to physically strike the parents and argue with them when little which was probably fun and funny (to the parents) back when the daughter was little and no threat.  The daughter became a combative bully in school and is now a 21 year old spoiled brat!  I feel very bad for the 'spoiled brat' because I personally know how she became so spoiled and who spoiled her to begin with ------MOM & DAD!  It's just so disappointing that the parents did not do a better job of raising her to be Ok and respectful and, at 21, It's probably a little to late to undo the damage they did - although I guess they could start insisting on the respect that they would expect from any other adult person.

I do not have kids nor have raised any BUT I was a kid once and clearly remember all the (sad) details of my upbringing so that qualifies me (just like every other person with parents) to speak out about parental conditioning and training.

Since your daughter is 13, you may still have a chance to undo the training you have given her so far that encourages bad behavior and start restoring a normal, respectful, responsible set of values in your home.  Many others here have mentioned methods that seem good so I won't go through all that.  I would imagine that many parents (including mine) simply do not know how or what to teach a child and it would seem intelligent and wise to go looking for answers and methods to help both you, the parent, and your ailing child while you still can.  My parents would never have gone looking for help or information since they already KNEW IT ALL -thank you!, but maybe you could (for you child's sake) go to the library, book store, on line, church, PARENTING CLASSES or anywhere you can think of to educate yourself about GOOD child rearing methods.  By learning a few things, you might be able to turn it all around and end up with a pleasant relationship with your child - wouldn't that be nice?!

Good luck with learning how to do it right.............
jim


(in reply to Liz)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 2/2/2008 1:49:34 AM   
jimrich

 

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shonda

Sad to say I have three teenage girls, two of them are very dramatic. All three have bad attitude, not toward me but toward each other. I have tried everything...what can I do to help my girls be able to get along better with each other?


Their attitude towards eachother is the direct result of whatever training and modeling they have been given by their parents or whoever has had the most influence on them while very young.  It's not about being a teen!  It's all about early Parental programing/training.  Remember your own childhood and what influenced you growing up!

What can you do????????  How about getting an education to help train your kids better!  Go to a book store, library, on line or take some Parenting Classes.  Whatever it takes to LEARN HOW to parent better so your kids will learn how to be OK and respectful.  Then they will know HOW TO teach their kids good things and on and on - all because you finally learned HOW TO DO IT.  That would 'help' your troubled kids a lot, IMO.

jim

(in reply to Shonda)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 6/2/2008 1:35:51 PM   
Momof3

 

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Tired, frustrated, annoyed, sad and hurt.  That's pretty much my emotions.  I have 3 (15,12 and almost 9)beautiful and pretty well behaved children.  My husband and I have had custody of his 2 children for the past 8 years and both of them have had very little contact with their birth mother (her choice).  I am really starting to see/feel the effects of that as they are 15 and 12.  I honestly feel really sorry for them as Christmas and Birthday's pass without a word from her (she lives in the same city). I know that regardless what happens or how I feel I can never replace their mother and I'm OK with that.  My 15y/o daughter is angry, hurt and confused and is seeking full attention from everyone and everywhere regardless if its positive or not.  She has started pulling the dumb card all the time and has picked up the "I don't care" attitude.  She is VERY disrespectful to her brothers and anytime she's spoken to about it she will roll her eyes and leave the room only to come back a short while later and repeat what she's just been told not to do.  We went for a family camping weekend this past weekend and it was great! Our only downfall was that my daughter completely hated it and tried very hard but unsuccessfully to make everyone else feel how she was.  It was great for all of us to be out of the city relaxing and spending time together but ofcourse she wanted nothing to do with us.  I understand why she is being this way I have just run out of idea's on how to help her.  I don't know how to help her see that there are so many people around her that love her and want to see her succeed but she has built this wall of anger for all of us.  She has chosen to shut everyone out longing for that relationship with her mother.  She has refused to speak with a professional and trust me I have tried...




(in reply to Liz)
  Post #: 18
RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 6/3/2008 7:07:49 PM   
fiery


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momof3, you have my sympathy. I don't know but you're not alone. My teen son's doing the eyerolling stuff too and it's maddening. His birth dad has no contact with him either apart from the odd drunken call. I know how upsetting it is to see them miss birthdays, etc.

But you talk and talk to them but nothing seems to sink in. My husband says it's because he knows he has nothing to lose. I wouldn't kick him out and he knows it.

Best advice I can give is do the usual stuff and be consistent- ground her, take things away from her like her cell phone etc. Sometimes we need to step back from the helping aspect and enforce the discipline one instead. My husband always tells me I'm too soft and I need to toughen up sometimes. As I tell my son, "you choose your actions - just know you'll accept the consequences for them whether they're good or bad."

Next trip, I'd leave her with someone and take everyone else. Do you have friends or relatives that would be willing to stay at your place one weekend and keep an eye on her, on the understanding they don't do any fun stuff with her to make up for not being there? That'd defeat the purpose. It's not fair for her to disrupt everyone else's good time. Actions = consequences.



(in reply to Momof3)
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 9/25/2008 8:29:17 AM   
wafwot

 

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First a little background...my wife and I are in our early 50's. We've been trying to adopt for several years. First we went through international (disaster) adoption, then decided to adopt from the US. Anyway, we now have a 13yo girl. Her attitude has improved since she first came to live with us but there are some underlying 'habits' that I wanted to get the forum's opinion on. I have an opinion of the source of this attitude and wanted to see if anyone else has this experience or not...

Here are some of the things I see in her and other girls and not so much in boys:

Face-sneering...you know, the scrunched up nose with the head cocked to one side.
Blank stares at us with an "are you an idiot?" flavor.
Disrespecting us.
Arguing about everything.
A keen, almost exaggerated, sense of fashion...we live on a farm, far away from anyone that would see what she is wearing and she worries about being 'color coordinated'.
A sense of entitlement..we've seen this before in children that have been fostered in our home.

There are more things but I'll get to my theory...

I came to a realization of where this stuff comes from after watching a few episodes of Hannah Montana. The two episodes I saw were filled with disrespect and attitude...towards her father and between friends. I saw the same snotty attitude throughout the show that I saw when our daughter came to live with us a month ago.

So, I'd like to get your opinion if I might be on target or way off base...
Is Hannah Montana a bad influence for young girls?...I think so.



(in reply to fiery)
  Post #: 20
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